To Forgive and Forget (AU Veritas)
by TheSlightlyMadOne
Summary: It's all over now , now they can finally start living their lives . Maybe so , but not before they add another person to the story. RATED M . AU FROM VERITAS.
1. Chapter 1

**To Forgive and Forget. (AU Veritas)**

**Rating M**

**Pretty much AU from the end of Veritas.**

**DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED INCLUDING THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS .**

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><p>"She's proud of you, wherever she is she's proud."<p>

"I never could have done this without you."

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><p>They stood there embraced in each others arms, immensely enjoying the moment in which they've waited so long for. Realising that the wait is finally over; they've won the battle for which they'd stood and it's time to finally live their lives together to the fullest extent.<p>

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><p>Kate woke the next morning draped over Castles chest. Flesh to flesh.<p>

She could not do anything for the smile that appeared on her face from the memories of last nights activities which drew out into early morning.

They were confirmed when she shifted slightly and felt the ache between her legs. Her smile transformed into a wicked grin and she hid her face in the crook of Castle's neck.

She involuntarily let out a little giggle at the thought of her silliness, but truth be told he had been a little more adventurous than usual and they usually were pretty adventurous as it is.

"A penny for your thoughts detective?"

She looked up to find his eyes still closed. Then she felt his hand start to draw circular patterns on her back.

"Just wondering how you managed to push me over the edge that many times last night... How you managed to have that much stamina in you I'll never know, or..."

"Or what? What exactly are you trying to accuse me of Beckett?" His eyes shot open to glare down at her and she couldn't help the laughter that erupted from her... 'He is so easy' She thought to herself.

"Well you know it's nothing to be ashamed of. I mean most men do start around your age and it does improve performance!" Her voice shot up at the final syllable due to his actions.

"Does this feel like it needs help with its performance Kate?" He growled into her neck.

Kate involuntarily closed her eyes and lets out a groan.

Castle had her hips between his hands before she knew it and had pulled her up fully on top of him and was grinding his hips harshly into hers; without any hesitation what so ever.

Kate swallowed, she was fully aware of his morning situation she smiled to herself.

She opened her eyes to find him looking directly into her eyes, his completely dark and laced with lust and she didn't doubt hers was the same.

They both automatically started to lean in towards each other. Her eyes flicked down to his parted lips and back up to his gaze. She instinctively started to close her eyes when...

"Urrr..." Castle exclaimed slamming his head back into his pillow.

Kate let out a laugh at his actions as she felt him release her from his grip to reach over to her night stand to tend the demanding ringtone coming from her phone.

"Beckett." She answered. Even though she knew she had a few days off she still acted on instinct.

Castle saw that her face went from content to confusion in a matter of moments.

He observed her actions as she glanced at the clock on the night stand which accompanied a nod of her head with a "yes sir, within the hour." .

Kate slowly let the phone drop down from her ear when she heard the line go dead. She looks over to Castle to see him mirroring her same utterly confused face.

"What?" He asked, not rudely just out of curiosity.

"That was Gates." She states.

"Yeah I got that from the whole 'Yes sir, within the hour. '" Castle Mocks in a very not-like Kate Beckett voice.

Kate only throws him 'the look' and that's enough to bring him to his senses.

She starts to get out of bed and Castle can't help the pout that appears on his face. He knows what she's about to say.

"Let me guess... She wants you to go in because something has come up." He looks over to her whilst she pulls on a pair of boy shorts.

He can't help but ogle her ass with a cheeky grin- which she catches of course.

"Yes Castle- she wants me to go in, and yes I know after all that's happened I agreed to take some time off but she said it's only a short meeting... And that it's important... And she specifically asked for you to be there." She watches his face light up with amusement as she starts to stalk over to him. Clad only in her underwear. " So unless you're planning on flashing the entire 12th precinct, I suggest you put some clothes on-Loverboy." She whispers in his ear and skates her lips across his cheek.

She grinned devilishly when she see's his face.

"You're such a tease." He whines as she exits the bedroom to go put on coffee.

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><p>Beckett and Castle came out of the elevator and onto the homicide floor grinning from ear to ear.<p>

They were alone on the elevator and Castle had decided to stand behind her and whisper traitorous things into her ear, stating it was his payback from being such a tease this morning.

It hadn't done that much to rile either of them up, just left them grinning like a bunch of teenagers.

Even though Kate was there to talk to her captain she had walked straight over to her desk and deposited her travel cup on her desk, whilst Castle just plopped down into his chair and pulled out his phone.

After taking off her jacket she got up, leaving Castle where he was as he seemed content cutting the rope, and made her way over to her Captains office.

Knocking on the door, she entered without waiting for an invitation.

"You wanted to see me sir."

"Ah, yes. Beckett. Is Mr. Castle with you."

"He's at my desk sir." She states looking back over to her fiance and smiling.

"Well, would you mind getting him? I think it would be best if he was here too."

"Sir?" Beckett questioned knowing very well the captain has never taken much liken into Castle. First this morning and now she wants to speak to not just her but him as well? Something was definitely up. Kate could hear herself praying to a higher power for it not to have something to do with bracken.

"Please Kate, bring him in here for this." Gates said with sympathetic eyes.

At the use of her first name -from her captain no less- sent a chill down Becketts spine. But never the less she nods and turns half out of the doorway and calls Castle over.

Once they are both seated in Gates' office. Gates takes a moment to take off her glasses and opens her mouth to speak only to close in again after a slight hesitation.

She looks to Beckett and takes in the worried detectives look on her face.

"Captain?" Castle finally asked.

However, Gates doesn't take her eyes off Beckett. Castle just looks back a forth between the two. Wondering what the hell is going on - surly Beckett doesn't know anything?

"Kate," Gates starts and pauses for a moment more before continuing. " I have had the F.B.I. here for most of the morning." She states without braking eye contact.

Kates eyebrows pull together in confusion.

"An Agent Jordan Shaw. Apparently you two have crossed paths and they thought best if someone familiar were to handle the situation."

"What situation, Sir?" Kate can feel the inside her anger rising, Rick must have sensed it too because he's reached over a grabbed her hand- all without looking away from Gates.

By this time, Gates has risen from her chair and has come to lean on her desk in front of Beckett.

Gates does not respond, only holds out her hand an indication to leave ahead of her. Kate stands but doesn't move to exit.

"Tell me what's going on sir." Beckett can't help the anger that's in her voice. She's toe-to-toe with her captain and only realises it when Castle puts a hand on her shoulder to draw her back a bit.

Thankfully Gates doesn't take it harshly and only moves out of her office with Castle and Beckett in tow.

Beckett noticed Ryan and Espo at their desk, Obviously avoiding eye contact at all costs.

'What the hell is going on? ' She can't help but ask herself.

She and Castle follow Gates to one of the small conference rooms where they occasionally talk to the victims families and such. The particular one Gates ends up knocking on is at the end of the hall and all the blinds are firmly shut making it impossible to know what's going on or who is inside.

Castle and Beckett stand a good few feet from the door whilst Gates has taken two steps back.

A small moment later Agent Jordan Shaw steps out and greats Beckett and Castle with a smile.

"Beckett, Castle. It's good to see you both again. _Together_." She adds with a smirk on her face extending a hand to Castle then to Beckett.

Normally Kate would have blushed at the mention of her and Castles relationship,but all her mind can think of is that something is going on - obviously regarding me, and maybe Castle - but no one will clue me in.

"It's nice to see you too Agent Shaw, but I'd very much appreciate it if we could skip the formalities and for someone to tell me what this 'situation' is!"

Shaw looks to Castle then to Beckett. Hesitation lingering in mind for just a moment.

"Very well."

Shaw enters the room, followed by Gates. Then Castle gestures for her to enter before her, always the gentleman.

Once Gates and Shaw move out the way, Kate sees her dad sat at the table. His eyes are red as if he was crying and his face is unreadable, as if it holds no emotion. She hasnt seen him like this since mom died.

It's at that moment she notices the face staring at her from the far corner opposite her dad.

The all too familiar face.

"Mom?"

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><p><strong>AN : Okay I've had this idea for a while ... Tell me what you think :)**

**ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE.**


	2. Chapter 2

**To Forgive and Forget**

**Chapter 2**

**DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED INCLUDING THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS.**

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><p>The all too familiar face. Those eyes. Eyes Kate sees in the mirror every morning, eyes that hold so much pain and unknown history.<p>

"Mom?"

It doesn't sound like her voice. Thats all Kate can think. Everything feels surreal and she thinks for a moment that she might pass out from dizziness, but then the person in question starts to get up.

Kate can't help but take a move back, away from this woman.

She feels her back hit Castle chest. His hands automatically go to her shoulders to steady her.

"Kate are you okay?" Castle asks in a soft voice turning her slightly to see her face.

Castle can't believe what's happening but his primary focus is Kate and the fact that she looks like she's spiraling into a full blown panic attack. She had her eyes squeezed shut, breathing an in-out rhythm she probably learned back in therapy.

"Katie?"

Kates eyes snap open to the sound -the voice- she's imagined for so long. Thought she had forgotten so long ago. But no. It sounds exactly the same.

Green eyes on green eyes. Kate can't tear her eyes away from them. She dares a glance at her father, but he won't meet her eyes. In fact he's not looking at anyone in particular.

Beckett looked down to the floor taking after her father and avoiding looking at anyone.

"I need to go." Kate turns out of Ricks hold on her and rushes out before anyone can convince her otherwise.

Little did Kate know that Castle was hot on her heels. Nonetheless, damn that woman was fast.

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><p>Before Kate could even comprehend what was happening she found herself in the stairwell heading down two steps at a time. She could faintly hear her name being echoing off the walls.<p>

What was she running from? Who was she running from? That was not her mother. Her mother was dead. Gone. So why was everything presented to her stating otherwise?

She realised she had stopped running and had come to a complete stop when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She had been too lost in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Castle cries for her to wait and slow down had come closer and closer to her until he himself had become silenced by her posture. There in the middle of the stairwell all alone.

Kate looked to face Castle. Her eyes followed her hands until they made their way to rest high on his chest. She couldn't help the sigh that fell from her lips. She knew he was looking at her with all the sympathy in the world at the moment and all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed with him. Making the day return to their own original version of contentment.

Castle as if reading her mind did his best in their current predicament and pulled her head down to rest on his chest. Seeing as he was one step higher than her, he held her in a more than his usual protective embrace and honestly, her next released sigh might have been on of slight contentment.

No words needed to be said in the following moments in which he held her. He heard occasional sniffles and felt her rub her cheeks on his jacket -not that he minded one bit- seeing as Beckett wasn't one to cry he was surprised she allowed herself to express this much emotion, even in front of him. But, he couldn't help but think about it, maybe this wasn't the Beckett or even Kate he had come to know. Could this possibly be the 19 year old who lost her mother all those years ago and had suppressed her feelings? Is it possible that now, that his Kate and Detective Beckett that had found justice and she was finally, truly dealing with the grief only to find out it was all a lie? Every part of her that she had sacrificed had partly been for nothing but to catch a dirty politician. In a way, she hadn't had no real reason to claim revenge for herself from this man.

Castle faintly heard a door open a few floors above possible from the homicide floor from which he had followed Kate out of.

He pulled Kate back to get a better look at her; she was a complete mess compared the usual picture prefect he was used to seeing at the precinct. Not that he minded she was perfect to him in any way she came, especially when she showed her true emotions and didn't hide from him. Not that he would want to see her this hurt ever again, but that was inevitable. She had been through too much for something not to spring up and open old wounds.

Kates eyes looking up to him, so full of hurt. But so he offered her a smile and kissed her forehead.

"Kate, Can you wait here for a moment? I think someones come so see if we're still here and to check up on us."

She nodded her acceptance of the task and he slowly lowered her to the step to sit whilst he ran back up the steps to who was obviously listening in to see if they were even there.

He was pleased to come face to face with Espo and not Agent Shaw or worse Captain Gates. Kate would not have been pleased.

"How is she bro? Gates sent me down to see if you guys were still here."

"Was that really who I think it is Espo. Because I've seen pictures but didn't get a good look because of Kate's reaction. God Espo you should have seen the look on her face. Her father... I've never seen a man look the way he did."

"Look Castle , me and Ryan were not briefed or anything but i got a good look at her when she come in and her walk from Gates' office and the small conference room you two saw her in and i gotta say , I don't have much doubt that that woman is Beckett's mother. I have no idea how or what's going on but you gotta be there for her bro; I don't think she's going to take this well."

" You know I would do nonetheless Espo. She's everything to me."

The two men eye each other for a moment before Espo finally continues.

"I know Bro. I know." He pauses. "Look Gates and Shaw want you both back up there ASAP. I'm just following orders by telling you this. However, personally I think Kate would need some time to process this whole situation. Talk to her about it."

"Yeah I don't think it's best she goes back up there right this second. After all she's been through the past couple of days, I'm not sure she'd be in a position to handle it. She surprised me when she agreed to take time off work; not even setting a time span."

"Tell me, 'bout it."

"Okay so look I'll talk to her. Give me 5 minutes or so and we'll either be back to get her stuff or to hash some things out. No promises though."

"No worries bro, go take care of your girl." Espoo smiles.

"Will do." Castle smiles back as they part ways.

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><p>Castle is walking down the stairs, back to Beckett. He can't help but think of all the ways this is going to have an impact on her. They finally have reached a good place in both their lives and this could either make it more complete or send her on a destructive path.<p>

He comes down two flights of stairs when he turns back and looks behind him. He was sure that he had only climbed one floor until he met with Espo.

Maybe she just moved further down. She could probably hear them and didn't want to deal with what they were discussing about her.

Castle continues all the way down to the lobby of the precinct once he reached the 2nd floor he started to get a terrible feeling in his gut and his gut is usually 100% right 99% of the time, as Kate told him one night.

He's looking round the room but can't see Beckett anywhere.

He spots LT talking to another uniform.

"Hey LT, did you see Beckett by any chance?"

"Castle, Hey, yeah as a matter of fact I did. About 2 minutes ago. She was in quite a hurry. Didn't stop to talk or look at anyone actually. Is she okay she looked kinda distressed... Castle?"

Castle didn't respond. All he could think was she was gone, about 2 minutes ago. He thought they were past this.

She's running again.

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><p><strong>AN: Not really to pleased with this chapter but i want to try and get Kate to have a different reaction to some of the other fics i've read.**

**So as always tell me what you guys think . PM me if you got anything or any cool ideas or situations you think would work well as i'm more that open to suggestion and advice.**

**ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE :) BUT PLEASE POINT THEM OUT IF YOU SEE THEM :P**


	3. Chapter 3

**To Forgive and Forget**

**Chapter 3**

**DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED INCLUDING THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS.**

**A/N: I would just like to point out that I am taking a destructive path on this story. Yes... It is probably not the way the characters would usually act, but I like drama! (But don't worry I like happy endings too.) :P And this story is mostly going to be from Kates and Ricks POV because in all honesty i'm not that good at multiple POV's.**

**+ I would just like to thank everyone who gave feedback on this story you guys are incredible. Also to those who favorited and subscribed, I'll be sure to update at least once a week (No promises though!)**

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><p><em>"I don't have much doubt that that woman is Beckett's mother."<em>

It was all too much.

_"That woman is Beckett's mother."_

The confirmation.

_"Beckett's mother."_

The reality.

Kate couldn't help but press the heels of her hands to her eyes.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to run back upstairs and scream at the woman claiming to be her mother. But she never did make that claim, did she? Kate just assumed. No, she just knew.

It suddenly became all too hard to breath. She didn't want to be this close to her. She needed to get far away from her, from everyone.

Without a second's hesitation, Kate started to make her way out of the building. Passing plenty of eyes whilst making her way through the lobby. Not caring who saw the state she was in.

Once she was outside and down the steps leading to the 12th Kate stopped. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath. Letting the polluted air of New York City street fill her lungs.

When she opened her eyes, she took a good look around. Not knowing how long she was standing there, but it didn't seem to matter too much as no one in particular was paying attention to her. But Castle. Castle would notice she was gone when he'd go back for her.

She loved him she really did. But she needed time alone. She needed time to think, come to terms if you will.

So she started walking. Not having a specific location in mind, just going wherever her strides took her.

Kate wasn't sure when the rain started to pour down from the sky, but it didn't in no way deter her determination to get as far away as possible from all her problems which had come rushing back to the surface, causing havoc on her new peaceful life.

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><p>"What do you mean she's gone?" Espo whisper shouted towards Castle.<p>

"I mean, after our talk and I went down to get her. SHE. WAS. NOT. THERE!" Castle huffed out for the third time. "LT mentioned seeing her leave about 2 minutes prior to when I got there." Castle ran a frustrated hand over his face. "We dont have any ways of contacting her because she doesn't have her cell. She doesn't even have her keys or wallet because she just ran out! Why would she run from me? I thought we were over this; her closing up on me! I get she's really upset at the moment, but she knows I'm always there for her and..."

"CASTLE!" Espo all but shouted to gain his attention. "Rambling on and on about it aint gonna help man. Let's just find her and get her out of this pissing rain."

"Yeah well she makes her best decisions in 'pissing' rain. Maybe give her a few minutes more." Castle lightly teased under his breath.

Espo caught on to what he said and knew exactly what he was getting at Lanie had given him his fair share of gossip over the years.

"Anyway... Do you think we should tell Gates that Becketts gone AWOL?"

Castle didn't respond. All that was running through his mind was 'rain, AWOL, last time she'd done this (sort of), the swings."

"Swings." He shouted as started to run off towards the elevator.

Espo just stared on as the writer bounced on his feet waiting for the elevator.

"Hey, Espo. Gates wants to know what's happening and honestly so do I." Ryan came out from nowhere and asked.

"Umm... Yeah about that..."

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><p>Castle was sat on a bench a few hundred yards from the swings set in the childrens area. Keeping a close eye on the entrance to the park. Most of the area was deserted. No children to be seen, just the occasional business person using the park as a shortcut to whatever important meeting they were late for.<p>

The rain was getting heavier and Castle was already drenched. There was no sign of Kate anywhere.

"_Guess I was wrong then. Guess I don't know you as well as I thought_." Rick mumbled to an imaginary Beckett and started towards the exit.

He was a few feet from the gate when he looked up from the ground and there she was.

Kate was soaked to the bone in only her gray slacks and white shirt with the thinnest possible blazer she could have possibly picked to wear this morning - not to blame her as it was sunny outside when they left.

"Kate!"

Kate had no response she just looked down to the ground ashamed of her actions. Once the irrational thinking of running had worn off all she wanted was him - she just wanted him. For him to hold her, tell her everythings going to be okay whilst he rocked her like a child in his strong arms.

Kates eyelids were incredibly heavy and the next thing she knew she was being pulled into Castles arms, exactly where she wants to be.

Relief. Thats the only emotion Rick could describe he was feeling right now. Relief that she didn't pull away. Realise that he had found her and she was somewhat okay, physically anyway.

Castle couldn't help but notice how she was shaking and the way her clothes stuck to her skin. He cringed at the thought of her getting ill.

"Kate, hun..." He waited until she looked up at him to continue. "Let's get you out of this weather okay?" Kate nodded.

Castle pulled away for just a moment to take off his jacket. Beckett being the independent woman she is tried to protest but Rick wasn't having it. He slid his coat over her shoulders and pulled her into his side. He then guided them out of the park into the streets to hail a cab, however long that was going to take in this bone chilling weather.

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><p>Kate was silent on the way to Castle's loft. She didn't once look in his direction, not when they got in or when Rick gave the driver his address. She just continued to stare out the window looking as pained as she probably felt.<p>

After entering the loft, without a word he noticed Kate made her way to their bedroom as he liked to call it, presumably to take a shower and get warm.

Rick decided to give her a little privacy and some time to herself so he heads upstairs to use the family bathroom to take care of himself as well.

When Castle entered the living room Kate was nowhere to be seen. He just assumed she was still in the shower or getting changed, so, he busied himself making a small late lunch for them both assuming Kate wouldn't be that hungry - seeing as he wasnt either.

Once he had two sandwiches on separate plates he noticed it has been as good hour and a half since they had arrived home and Kate still hadn't made an appearance.

Worry had now really started to set in. What is she had left? Was she okay? I shouldn't have left her alone. I should have been there for her. In the stairwell and now. I shouldn't have left her alone.

Once in the bedroom Rick was about to head strait for the closed bathroom door when he saw a figure huddled under the quilt on their bed.

"Ohh... Kate." He mumbled to himself quietly.

The closer that he got the more he could see how much she was shaking. Once he was kneeled down next to her he could see that her eye's weren't even closed.

She was wide awake.

She was just laying the shaking and who know what was going through her head right now. The subject was obvious but how was she handling it.

He honestly was all too sure. Yes she was in shock and most likely confused- Hell he was entirely confused but Kate doesn't flinch and somewhere deep inside him he can see her building up her wall again - the ones he just managed to knock down. And he can see how she is not planning on building them up with him on the inside.

He was brought back to reality when her eyes darted away from his and she clutched the quilt tighter under her chin.

He lifted a hand to her cheek and as his finger touched her skin he instantly recoiled. She was freezing.

He pulled the quilt away much to her protest and saw she was lying there in her underwear and one of his t-shirts.

She was freezing why wouldn't she have hopped in the shower to warm up and get warmer clothes after?

As soon as Kate could she pulled back the quilt and settled in again, all the while avoiding his gaze.

"Kate?" Castle asked stroking her hair.

She gave no answer. She just ducked her head lower and further away from his piercing blue eyes. But doing so she had also pulled away from his touch. Castle didn't try to take it to heart but he couldn't help the piercing pain that shot through his chest.

She really is pushing me away.

"Kate, talk to me. Please, tell me what you're thinking."

"Castle, just leave me alone- okay?" SHe snaps but it does have quite the effect she wanted seeing as her voice was hoarse from crying those few hours whilst she was alone.

"Kate I've left you alone for nearly two hours, three hours before that when you ran away from me. I just..."

He was cut off by Kate as she abruptly gets up and heads towards the walk in wardrobe.

"What are you doing?" Castle asks.

"I'm leaving." She states simply.

"What? Why?"

"Because it's obvious you won't leave me alone and I _want_ to be left alone!" Her voice rises at him with anger laced in every word.

She tries to move past him - out of the bedroom and to leave - but his hand finds a firm grip on her biceps, turning her back to him as it does.

He doesn't see it coming, probably never would have. Her hand instantly collides with his face and the shock is evident in both their faces.

Her hand slowly falls back to her side and their eyes stay glues to one another. He immediately notices the regret in her eyes as tears well in them, threatening to pour out and down her face.

"I.. I'm sorry."

She tries to move out of his grip and presumably try to leave once more but rick wasn't having any of it.

With his grip still on her upper arm he pulls her into his arms and holds her tight as her hands find a tight grip on his shirt.

He holds her as she sobs and shakes. He can feel her tears soaking through his shirt and vest, but he couldn't care less.

He knows what she's doing, she's trying to push him away. Like she did for all those years. But it won't work. I didn't then and it won't now- never.

"You can't run from this. You're going to have to face her and the whole situation. You're going have to deal with it. But I'm going to be there for you, like I always have and always will. " He sighs at what she's going through and how she's using her automatic response to a chance at being hurt again; to push people away.

"I Love you." She breaths against his chest.

"I Love you too. _Always_."

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><p><strong>AN: I'm not really sure about this one. Anyway let me what you all think... PLEEEEEASSSSEEEEE?**

**ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE, BUT FEEL FREE TO POINT THEM OUT.**


	4. Chapter 4

**To Forgive and Forget **

**Chapter 4**

**DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED INCLUDING THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS.**

**A/N: I've never had this kind of reaction to a story :) I just want to say how grateful I am for all the great reviews I'm getting (I am reading them, promise) and they just make my day, honestly.**

**I can't believe how many followers I've gotten with only three chapters. I'm seriously grinning from ear to ear. **

**And the people who added the story to their favourites. **_**Guys! You're making me blush... ;)**_

**Now on with chapter 4 :)**

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><p>After holding each other for however long they did, Castle began to feel her weight heavy against his chest. He gently looks down to her face, seeing her internal struggle to keep her eyelids open.<p>

Should he take her to bed and let her sleep? She is emotionally exhausted. But then again, he couldn't let it pass; the fact she had slapped him. Did she do it with hope it would drive him away? It is obvious she's just trying to run away from everything that happened today, from everyone. Even if that distance isn't physical, she's good at emotional distance too.

"Kate?"

"I'm sorry, Rick." She sounds sleeply.

"Let's get you to bed okay. We'll talk about it tomorrow." He replys as he attempts to guide her towards her side.

"I should go." She tries to protest.

"No. You should sleep - here."

"I'm so sorry Castle." Her voice hitches, he can see the regret in her features.

"Kate, don't. Let's go to sleep, we're not in the right mind set to have this conversation right now. We'll talk tomorrow." His voice is commanding and he doesn't hesitate when he pushes her down onto the mattress and tucks her in. He can see her wanting to give a response so he presses a finger to her lips indicating the end of the conversation - for now.

She snuggled into the pillow and pulled the quilt further up over her. He took her actions as her being compliant to his request for postponing the conversation they knew was unavoidable.

He walked to his side of the bed and climbed in. Not entirely sure of how much space he should give her, he simply placed a hand on her hip, but kept a distance between their bodies no matter how much he craved to hold her tight.

He was just about to drift off when he felt her shift her hand from under her cheek and latches onto his forearm resting on her side. Kate pulled lightly on his arm, moving to cuddle it and shuffled back until her back was pressed to his front. Castle snuggled into her neck and pressed a light kiss to her jaw as she did the same with his hand she had a firm grasp on.

"I really am sorry, I dont know why I did it." She said barely audible.

Rick felt her shift slightly to wipe a tear that was running down her cheek but he made no motion of recognition.

"It's who you are Kate, even after all this time. You push people away at the first sign of being hurt. Thinking you're better off on your own and the reason for all this just came back into your life and disturbed your progress like a bull in a china shop."

Castle turned her slightly towards him. They needed to be face to face. He needs her to understand that he truly ment the words he was about to say.

"But Kate, I just got that wall down." He smiled lightly to her. "And I'm not about to let you build it back up with me on the outside. I'm not giving up here. And I won't let you either, we have a wonderful future ahead of us and nothing is going to stand in our way- including you."

Kate had silent tears running down her face by the time Rick had finished. She wasn't able to form words to respond to this man she had physically hit. How could she have been so careless and all Rick had done was be there for her and she responded with a slap!

Rick saw she was struggling to respond so he simply pulled her in for the tight hold he had craved to give her when he first crawled into bed.

"It's okay- I'm okay..."

"No it's not. How can you forgive me Rick." She sobbed into the crook of his neck.

"Easy... Because I love you." He kissed her forehead. He then proceeded to lift her chin up to look at him. He wiped away the tears which were still leaking from her eyes.

"I love you too, so much."

Rick couldn't help himself. He leaned down and claimed her lips in a sweet yet passionate kiss. He tasted the salt of her tears and it only spurred him on more.

When they pulled away from each other a few minutes later, after air became a necessity, Rick pressed his forehead to hers. Giving her light eskimo kisses as they both caught their breaths.

Kate felt his smirk and felt his hand softly caressing her side.

"What?" she asked with curiosity.

He snickered lightly.

"Just thinking about the amazing make-up sex I'm going to get out of you." He whispered in her ear.

Kate could not help the smile that plastered her face as she blushed and hid in the pillow. She loved how he could turn any moment, sad or serious into one of somewhat joy and light teasing.

"But not tonight." he said softly as he turned her back onto her side so he could settly in behind her. "Tonight we are going to get some sleep."

Kate couldn't help but let her mind wonder even after she felt Ricks breathing even out. Her mind wandered to the awful things she herself had done but also to the situation that had spurred her to make those irrational decisions.

She could physically feel the sharp pain in her heart thinking about the fact.

Her mother was alive.

ALIVE.

All this time.

Kate had just managed to obtain justice from the man that had her mother killed. She had practically been on a suicide mission for most of her adult life to gain that justice. She almost died on multiple occasions for that justice.

Now it felt like it had all been for nothing.

She was still alive the whole time.

While she was getting shot.

Hunted.

Left hanging off the side of the roof.

Yes she eventually 'somewhat' left her quest for revenge and followed an adventure for love, but she still couldn't help the anger she felt towards this woman whom she had idolised and cherished. Only to have her taken away under false pretences?

Kate tried her best to push the thoughts out of her mind long enough for sleep to claim her. All she could do was wish that her dreams wern't haunted with the troubles that have now surfaced within her life.

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><p><strong>I know I'm sorry it's really short and it took me ages to actually write it but at least in posting it now? I guess thats worth something? Tell me what you think ... <strong>_**please?**_

**ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE BUT IF YOU DO SEE THEM PLEASE POINT THEM OUT :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**To Forgive and Forget **

**Chapter 5**

**DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED INCLUDING THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS.**

**A/N: I was talking to someone about a slightly different version of this chapter, I wanted to see if it was over the top, but inspiration struck and I got writing like mad... :) I couldn't wait and i'm sorry that I bugged the person to look it over but I think this is better than what I had originally planned and wrote in the version I sent them to overlook. **

**Hope this turned out better...**

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><p>Kate had always loved the feel of her back pressed to Castles chest, but as she woke this morning and started to feel a familiar sort of satisfaction from where she was, it quickly turned into one of guilt and pain inside was only magnified by the loving hold Castle had on her.<p>

She couldn't help but think how much she doesn't deserve this man. He had been nothing but supportive and understanding of her and the situation, everything someone should expect of a spouse-to-be. But she, she had been the last thing from it.

Situation be damned. None of this is his fault; never has been.

Kates mind was running at a mile a minute, her brain thinking on overdrive.

_'Maybe I never did manage to make myself better for him. He deserves better, I don't deserve to be with him, he deserves to be with someone who doesn't have a haunted past and demons ready to jump out at any second, just when we think we've put them to rest. He deserved better than this.'_

Kate suddenly, urgently needed to get up. She needed more space, more space to think.

_'I love him, I really do. And I am truly sorry. He said he knows. He said he understands. He forgave me because he loves me too. I dont want to leave him. I love him too much. He's my rock. '_

The thoughts race through her mind on their own accord. She can feel the tears beginning to well in her eyes.

_'Great! All I've done for the past few days is cry. Cry that I finally got justice, Cry because that justice was for nothing, Cry for being careless to love that's surrounding me. All i've done is cry and weep. Urr... I need to get up.'_

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><p>Castle found if rather amusing that he was capable of pulling off the fake sleep act she was particularly skilled at catching him out of, usually anyway.<p>

Most mornings she would pamper him with kisses if she were to wake first. His amusement quickly died down with the realisation she was closing herself up,by not doing one of their simple little rituals, faster than he's ever seen before and that thought alone troubled him more that anything.

So as soon as Rick started to feel her attempt at gently lifting his hand off of her hip, his natural instinct kick in.

"Oh no you don't." He pulls her back more snugly into his chest. "We need to talk. I could practically hear the wheels turning in that pretty little head of yours."

"You're awake." She sighed.

"Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't catch me out Kate. Someones getting sloppy." Rick practically sang the last part. His attempt at trying to lighten the mood.

Kate only hums her agreement and only tries to move out of his grasp once more in return.

Much to Castle's disapproval, he lets her sit up, following as always of course. But when she moved the covers to get to wherever she was planning on going, Castle skillfully pulled her into his arms so she was sitting in his lap. She maybe a skilled detective but he had at least 50 pounds of weight on her, most of it was probably being muscle.

So with her side firmly pressed into his chest he wrapped his arms around her and let a grin sneak its way onto his face.

"Nuh-uh. You're not getting out of this one Kate. We need -I definitely need to talk."

"I know." She said rather defiantly. Still refusing to meet his eyes. She knew she would only see pain and hurt buried within them, so she took the easy option and just stared down at her lap, waiting for him to go on.

But as the silence continued she could feel his eyes on her. But instead of the usual 'giddy' feeling she would get all she could feel was a deep vulnerability.

Vulnerability she hadn't felt in years.

She could sense herself slowly breaking and she didn't like it. He was undoing her with his stare and not in the good way, she liked.

"Kate, I know I said I was the one who needs to talk but, Kate, sweetheart, what's going on in that head of yours?"

Kate sighed but the least she could do, was give him a response.

"Rick I... I think we should take some time. I know the weddings in just over a week but I... I dont think I can, not with everything thats going on."

Kate finally looks up when she hears nothing but silence from him. She finds his expression one that's light and slightly hurt but still understanding and he's just watching her, but truth be told when doesn't he watch her?

"Okay," He states with a small smile. "Thats fine, Kate. We can postpone the wedding if that's what you need. The people that are important to us with understand and frankly I don't care about anyone else. All that matters is that you get through this, okay? We'll get through this together Kate. I'll always be there for you."

Castle placed a kiss to her temple, seeing as she had turned to look down at her lap again, with a loving touch to her cheek to draw her to him.

Kate felt selfish leaning into his touch, loving his tender kiss, with what she was on the verge to do.

But wasn't that what she did, push people away, that's how she survived all this time. She got through it all, all but herself and to think that the very reason she did this was a lie.

Most of her life now was established from a lie. Kate had no idea what to make of that. She would never regret meeting Castle. She loved him with everything she had. Even with what she did last night, she could never, would never let him go one her own accord.

Nevertheless, Kate would never make the mistake of forcing him to stay with her. If he wanted to leave her she would go willingly. He had every right, even now, to make her go. It would break her in two, because she wouldn't be just leaving him, she would be leaving Alexis and Martha, who Kate had started to view as the mother she had lost.

But the fact is she didn't lose her; She left or was taken. Kate had no idea what the hell was happening, still. Yes it was entirely her own fault, she had run from the room. Then Castle, but it still infuriated her that she basically had no control, she felt like she had lost control over all most everything.

This woman had turned her life upside down when she was 19 and now she was doing it again. Where would she be now if her mother had never died...

_'No, No she left me. She didn't die. She left me.'_ Kate repeatedly kept trying to remind herself. All the more proof how much she needed that space to clear and sort he messed up head.

With that she realised how zoned out she was, lost in her own thoughts.

She looked up to see Rick tilt his head and crack a genuine smile. The way he looked, messed hair from sleeping combined with his actions made her duck her head with a failed attempt to hide her own smile.

He squeezed her lightly as an influence for her to speak her mind and her smile quickly faded when she remembered her intentions.

"Rick when I say 'I think we should take some time' I meant I think we should take some time apart."

"Kate," he grabbed her face with both hands so she would face him. "If this is about what happened last night-" He sighed, noticing she wouldn't look at him.

"Kate, look at me." She was trying to move her head out of his grasp, both her hands covering his.

"Please Rick. I can't. I'm sorry." Tears were beginning to form in her eyes again.

"I know Katie. I know. I forgive you for what happened last night and I know you know that it doesn't make it all okay. I would never hit you and I know very well that you weren't thinking clearly when you did. But Kate," He waited for her to look up at him and when she finally compiled to his silent request, the proof that they know each other so well, he was so wrecked to see the guilt she possessed , but he had to make his point; she doesn't need to push him away.

"I know that it will never happen again, I trust you enough to believe that it won't and I know you think that given all thats going on plus with the guilt you feel from what happened but sweetheart, you don't need to be alone in this, I'll be here if you fall and crumble. I'll catch you and I know your instinct is to run and deal with your problems by yourself but Kate they're no longer just your problems. Even though we haven't tied the knot yet and we will when you're ready, but I made it my duty to make your problems my problems a long time ago Kate. I care for you too much to watch you suffer. So please believe me when I say please don't make yourself suffer by going through this alone. Stay with me, let me stand by your side and help you get through this."

Kates head fell to Ricks shoulder the moment, he finished. Seconds probably minutes had passed and Kate still hadn't spoken a word.

"Kate?" He asked, trying not to let the worry appear in his voice. Kate sobs had finally stopped and he could hear her trying to steady her breathing.

"I'm sorry Rick. I'm so sorry, I just need a few days to sort out what's going on in my head. This isn't me leaving you, It's... I, I just need some space, I'm sorry."

She then promptly got up, out of Castles arms, motivated to just get dressed and leave.

Nonetheless, Castle had other plans.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry but I don't like the chapters to get to long and I love cliffhangers... I'm evil I know.**

**Please review I love them :)**

**ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE BUT IF YOU DO SEE THEM PLEASE POINT THEM OUT :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**To Forgive and Forget.**

**Chapter Six.**

**DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING CASTLE AND CASTLE RELATED INCLUDING THE CHARACTERS BELONG TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS.**

**A/N: I'm so so sosososososo sorry! I have no excuse but that I couldn't write, I don't know why!**

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><p><strong><em>Thoughts are in italics.<em>**

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry Rick. I'm so sorry, I just need a few days to sort out what's going on in my head. This isn't me leaving you, It's... I, I just need some space, I'm sorry."<p>

She then promptly got up, out of Castles arms, motivated to just get dressed and leave.

Nonetheless, Castle had other plans.

* * *

><p>"Kate." She didn't respond, didn't turn to look back at him. Even wait for him to continue. Just continued to make robotic movements to leave.<p>

_Did she really think I was just going to give up? _

"Kate!" Nothing no reaction, she was acting like he wasn't even there.

Swiftly moving out of bed and after her Castle had had enough. She wasn't running away again.

He found her in the walk in closet in the middle on buckling her pants with only her bra on the upper half. Like that was going to stop him.

"Kate. Kate! Look at me god damn it!"

He couldn't believe it. He actually felt a pain in his chest in regards to how blatantly she was ignoring him.

_Aren't__ I supposed to be the childish one?_

Grabbing her by both shoulders and turning her towards him, he pined her to the closest wall. She struggled but he wouldn't give. He had her pinned with his body and hands.

Putting more pressure on her shoulders to keep her in place he pulled away slightly, keeping only their lower bodies connected.

"Fine! You don't want to talk, then listen."

She gave him the best glare she could given the situation. It didn't work.

Castle let out a little chuckle. "Glare all you want sweetheart, It ain't gonna work."

After spending a minute give or take having a classic Caskett staring contest, Beckett was finally the one to break. Looking down to his chest and letting out a huff Castle took that as his Que to continue.

"Kate look at me." She did so hesitantly and Castle could see the tears welling in her eyes.

_No stay strong Rick, you gotta get this out. It's for the best._

Adding his own huff into the moment he continued.

"Kate, when you agreed to let me put that ring on your finger. It wasn't just that and you know it. In short it's a promise to stay partners through it all. In every way possible. Kate you know how much it hurt when you left that summer after you got shot. We weren't even together together then." He gives a little wiggle of his eyebrows, pleased to see a little smile make its way to her lips.

"But Kate leaving now... Honestly, you might as well throw that ring in my face. It would be ruining everything we've built, worked for. Together."

He saw the tear slip down her face and realized this was the exact moment, The crack in her newly built wall was visible and it was time to make his move.

"But honestly Kate. I'm not going to let you this time. No. You can leave but I will be coming with you where ever you go. I've had enough. If you love me like I think you do, then you'll stay her with me and we'll sort this mess out together. But, I swear Kate. If you try to leave or succeed to leave -Me, Espo, Ryan and I bet even Lanie will be interested, will hunt 'you' down and bring you back. Oh.. And i'll cuff you to our bed , Not for kinky reasons I may add."

Kate did the last thing Castle expected of her. With tears freely pouring down her face for the hundredth time in the last couple of days, she pulled him into one of the tightest hugs she had ever given him.

It took a moment more for Castle to react, he still had his hands glued firmly to her shoulders. But eventually he let his arms move to hold her to him in return.

"Promise?" Kate let out between sobs. Her voice so unlike the strong Detective he was used to.

"You've got no choice babe." He say lightly.

"I'm going to want to leave again." She stated sadly.

"I know, and i'm going to stop you again."

"Good."

After a few minutes Kate's breathing regulated and she had calmed down immensely. Nevertheless her grip never loosened.

"Sooo..." Castle said pulling back slightly to look at her. She had tear tracks on her face and her eyes were red; classic signs of her having cried recently.

"How about we get you freshened up, and then we can discuss the amazing make-up sex we'll be having." She chuckled and looked down at Castle's attempt to lighten the mood.

"Oh... I don't know Castle. Do you think you can handle it with all the crying you've been doing?" Kate asked sarcastically.

"You know i'm just kidding right?" Castle asked on a more serious tone.

"Yeah I know babe." Kate said placing a quick kiss to his lips, drawing back on a smile.

Castle couldn't help but feel guilty about the terrible joke he had made.

_I'm such an idiot, how could i make a joke like that in this situation? Stupid, stupid Castle!_

She starts to make her way out of the closet when Castle grabs her hand to pull her back.

"I really am sorry, I didn't mean to sound like a jerk. Especially with everything thats going on."

"Rick, it's okay. I'm all for doing some 'amazing make-up sex' at the moment, but i'm just really tried still. Guess balling me eyes out repeatedly wore me out more than i thought it would." Kate's attempt at a joke failed miserably and she noticed the look of guilt on his face.

"Castle suck it up. I dont need to feel bad about making you feel guilt. Now common I vaguely remember something out getting me freshened up?"

With a slightly forced smile Castle placed a kiss to her lips and lead her to the bathroom.

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><p>Rick came out of the en-suite when Kate decided to take a shower. She insisted he join her but with the guilt of the bad joke lingering he decided to decline , stating he was going to get some coffee going instead.<p>

Actually he was going to call Espo and Ryan. It had slipped his mind that he never took a moment to call them with a update. Its a wonder they didn't track his phone and come barging into the loft.

Walking into his office, finding his phone exactly where he had left it, as soon as the screen lit up he noticed the insane amount of notifications.

42 missed calls.

18 messages.

11 voice messages.

Espo, Ryan, 12th precinct -Captain Gates' extension, Espo, Espo , Lanie, Ryan.

_Unknown? Hmm, could be a number of people. Decisions , decisions. Might as well call Espo first , looks like he called the most._

Espo picks up almost immediately after the first ring.

_What time is it anyway? _

"Castle! What the hell man everyone's been calling you. Did you find Beckett? We didn't bother trying to call her 'cos her cells still here at the precinct."

_Oh hes at the precinct. Must be some time after 9... Hopefully._

"Yeah , yeah. I found her. Sorry I didn't call to let you guys know. Was kinda preoccupied."

_Liar, you left her alone for a good few hours and still didn't call anyone!_

"Yeah well, Gates was pissed when you two just dropped of the map, Shaw was finally the one to calm her down. Told her to give you time to get to kate and let her sort out herself out. By the way how is she doing?"

"She spiraling Espo. She thinks it's better for her to sort out her feeling by herself. She's wanted to leave countless times. Shes a reck."

"You're not letting her go this time though are you?"

"Hell no. I threatened that we would all hunt her down, Lanie included!"

"Good. So what do you want to do now? Gate had Ryan take Mrs Beck- Can I even call her that?"

"I dunno Javi, man this is so confusing."

"Yeah, anyway. She had Ryan take 'her' to her hotel and I took Jim back to his home. I feel so sorry for the guy."

"You and me both." Castle sighed.

"Has she asked about her?"

"No, not really but I can tell how she can't stop thinking about it. Plus everything that's happened over the last week or so. Last night was a mess-"

"What happened last night?" Javi asks in a worried tone.

"Oh it was nothing. Don't worry about it. But what are we supposed to do now. We can't just ignore the fact that shes alive and has been all this time."

"I think thats up to Beckett if i'm being honest."

"I think shes just going to try and avoid the situation as much as possible. I can feel her closing up again Javi. She's rebuilding her walls, I can feel it."

"The difference is that this time it's different. You guys are together now, and time you're 'not' the one who's dropping the bombshell on her-"

"Wait! How?-"

"Me and Lanie have girl talk too." Espo stated as a matter of fact.

"Anyway..." Espo continued. "Her mother is the bombshell this time. So I think if shes going to run for someone it's going to be her. No matter how much Kate has changed over the years, she still runs when shes got conflicted feelings."

Castle sighed.

"Just remember," Espo said. "You keep a good grip on our girl. Don't ever let her go again."

"I don't think i would be able to survive that. Without her in my life-"

"Don't go there man. Okay i'll update everyone. I call you in an hour or so to go over whats happening."

"Okay, thanks. I dont even dare to listen to Lanies voice messages."

"Yeah, I wouldn't go there, I think i'll call her first before anything."

"Good thinking, good luck."

"I think you'll be the one needing it next time she sees you. She was pissed last night."

"I'll have Kate as a human shield. Okay i'll talk to you in a bit."

"'Kay bye."

"Bye."

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><p>"Who was that?"<p>

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><p><strong>Most of the next chapter is written , so.. I don't know I don't want to make any promises.<strong>

**ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE , BUT PLEASE POINT THEM OUT IN IF YOU SEE ANY, TY!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


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